just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
