a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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