We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
