Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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