Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
