so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
