it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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