So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
