how can u be prego again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
