Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
