ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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