Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
