I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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