There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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