i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
