God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
