Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize