Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
