i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
