Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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