ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
