9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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