At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
