Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he fucked my hip out of place.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
