do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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