i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize