sarcasm needs its own font
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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