just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
