Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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