True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Life is so much better after having sex.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
