some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
