C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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