he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
