I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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