i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
