for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
