areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
