im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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