remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
