Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
