Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
