just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize