Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
