I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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