i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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