By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
