I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
