It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
