god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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