Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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