Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
