We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
