How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
