if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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