When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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