I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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