Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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