It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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