When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
