Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize