i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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