Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
