Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
