Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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