Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
