i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
