My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
