i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
