I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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