I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
