he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
