I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
