I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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