shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
