i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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