Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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