She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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