I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
