but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
