The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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