nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
