I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No subtext here. People are naked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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