i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
