i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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