that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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