I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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