after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
