I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
