I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize