if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
love makes seman taste better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
