And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
