i think my tv is drunk
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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