Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
