I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
