he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
