You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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