No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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