things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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