I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
