Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
